Goodbye 2018

As I close out 2018, I have been doing a lot of thinking with everything that has gone on during this crazy year.

In the last 13 months I have lost 2 of my best friends.

Monchy, was my best friend as a teen, he introduced me to a church where I ended up spending most of my teen years at. We somehow lost touch over the years & when we reconnected things weren’t ever the same, but no matter what he had a special place in my heart, so to find out about his passing, was a shock & I always think about how I regret not being able to say good bye because we weren’t in talking terms.

& Carol, where do I start? My best friend of 22 yrs. We met in 9^th grade at Sunset High. This girl was my ride or die. The things we went through, no friendship should have endured, yet we did & although we wasted stupid time fighting & not talking to each other for months at a time, we ALWAYS found our way back to each other. & this last fight was no different. We were texting each other via facebook every once in a while, but not like it used to be. In August, after speaking with a psychic, she mentioned something about someone with an autoimmune disease & after that session, I reached out to Carol & told her all about what happened & that was the beginning of the end. This chick & I married best friends. How many people can say that?

Although she was sick for 6-7 years, I didn’t think she would go like this, so soon. When I got the news, I was numb. I was in shock. The realization that my BEST FRIEND of 22 yrs is gone wouldn’t dawn on me.

Over the last 2.5 weeks, I have thought so much about how short our lives truly are. She was 36 years old! She has a 10 yr old daughter. My life hasn’t been the same since & Its time for me to “squash
the beef” with many in my life. I don’t expect you to become my friend or family member again. But I want you to know that I forgive you. I am sorry for whatever I did to screw up the relationship we once had. In some relationships, I don’t know where I fucked up, but in others I know damn well I didn’t do anything to deserve your shitty attitude. I just want you to know that life is too short to be mad, you or I could go tomorrow & we will always have some sort of regret with the other. Some sort of words that were left unsaid, & if that’s not how you feel then, you definitely didn’t & don’t deserve to be in my life, because that’s not the type of person or soul I want in my life & I really hope we never meet again.

I have family members, best friends, business partners & friends who became family on this list, & I have reached out to every single one of you many times over the years to fix things, but many haven’t even given me the time of day… Well, this is the last chapter in this book & Im closing it, if you would like to join me for my next journey, some of you are welcome, just say hello, trust me, itll be nice to hear from some of you, for the rest of you, thank you for coming into my life & teaching me a lesson or two. I hope you don’t have to lose someone extremely close to you anytime soon for you to realize how precious life truly is & know who is truly worth it to be taking this crazy journey called life with you.

A personal msg to those I believe will be passing by:

D. DValle- You & I know how you feel about me, we recently had a “chit chat” but we both know who massively screwed up this friendship & you are right, Karma isn’t very fun, is it? Our chapter is over, & it will always be over, but I want you to know that I have been over that drama a long time ago, what I always wanted to know is where did things go wrong during Christmas of 07 when the friendship just ended?

M.Cristina B.- There is no forgiving a family member who is as cold as you’ve been most of my life. I forgive you, but I don’t want you back in my life, I just hope you don’t lose the one person you chose over me & think itll be ok to come back… You have a lot of soul searching to do. May God bless you.

R.Marie A. – The one person I truly thought wouldn’t have screwed me over the way you did. But the things you said about me when it was all over confirmed that you are just as cold as everyone else. I hope Karma doesn’t come knocking on your door anytime soon. You are someone I would love back in my life, but until you realize where things went wrong, itll never happen.

E.Ann S.- Where do I start with you? Ive been trying to get you back in my life for how long? Your excuse was… we grew apart! You truly believe that? The one person I need in my life more than anything right now would be you, but you seem deader than Carol truly is. I love you, & I miss you every single freakin day, hope you don’t regret letting me go.

C.Cerquiera L.M.- You? I got no words for you. You deserve the karma that’s heading your way.

V. Manuel B.- It hurts that things ended, not only on my end but on your boys end. We think of you often, we talk about you guys often & wonder about the babies, wish egos would diminish & we can fix things. But til then… God Bless ya!

G. Alexis R. Moura- I cant believe it took for Carol to die to have you msg me out of the blue. I still wonder wtf happened how many years ago that you just dropped me as a friend when the night before you were my best friend & we were having the time of our life when it all ended. Carol has told me how much you’ve grown & Im proud of you. Hope one day we could pick up where we dropped off. Til then, God bless you & those beautiful kids.

Happy New year to everyone. Thanks for reading.

I’m walking into 2019 with a clear heart and mind.

If you owe me, don’t worry about it – you’re welcome.

If you wronged me, it’s all good – lesson learned.

If you’re angry with me, you’ve won, congratulations.

If we aren’t speaking, it’s cool..I wish you well. 

If you feel I wronged you, I apologize.

If you’re waiting on me to fail, don’t hold your breath…you have a long wait!

I’ve already overcome more than you can imagine. 

Focus on making your life better for you & your family and watch how doors open. 

Life is too short for all the pent up anger, holding grudges and extra pain. 

Reach out to me if you’d care to talk about it and if not, I tried.

Here’s to 2019!

Full of Love, Health, Positivity, & a season of Forgiveness & Happiness!