AN Open Letter- Dear...

An Open Letter...




I was born 32 years ago today, to a woman & a man named Carlos & Cristina (referenced here at Mother Dearest). Life was good as a young child, times were fun, but again I did spend a lot of my times playing with my Best Friend, my German Shepherd. I was born in a little rich town in Los Angeles, California where I had a nanny for as long as I can remember. In 1983 I got a baby brother named Christopher. Shortly after, we moved to Miami... I don't remember the family drama or issues as a child, I was always an innocent soul, never saw the bad in people, & til this day I am still the same way, many people have to point the bad or negative of a person to me, if not, you're just another person coming through my life.




I tried to enjoy life to the fullest as a child, & I did until we got back from Brazil in 1991, when I began to see life in a different way. I've always said to myself that I've lived 2 lives, one before brazil & the other on our way back, those 11 months was some sort of a dream for me, & then I woke up... There aren't words to explain it, I just know I came back as a different person. I think what changed me was the ultimate loss of my German Shepherd, my best friend, the one I would always run to when I was sad, or wanted to get away from the world. I was barely 10 & that dog meant more to me than anything in this world. I remember we lost him for about 10 days, & those were the worse days of my life. I still remember coming home from school & mom saying she had a surprise for us, & when we got home, he was in the TV room with dad, & Chris passed by & said "Hi Tommy" & kept walking, a minute later he came back screaming, "Tommmmmyyyyy!!!" Those were happy moments.




When we left to Brazil I was given a million excuses why we couldn't take him & one was bc of his ears, he had surgery & we were told he couldn't fly, he was gonna be given to a family friend who was a vet assistant, I didn't know much, that's all I knew. It killed me not being near him those 11 months, but boy the minute we were coming back from Brazil, I was already asking for him, I couldn't wait to get off the plane to go pick him up. I bothered my parents to call & get info on him, sadly to find out that he supposedly was given to a family in Texas. I didn't believe it, those were the times I didn't trust in anyone, I was so mad, mad at the world for taking my best friend away from me & not bringing him back, I think this is when things started to change.




We moved to Kendall, where we started a new school & new neighborhood, with new friends. One of which was our front door neighbor, Jorge. Lots of great times with him & his family, see at this age, I was starting to get my period, become a young lady, my mom never spoke about that subject with me, she just bought me a book, & I guess expected me to read it. She didnt talk about any sexual subjects or anything a mom should discuss with their child when it came to things like this, specially when people touch you inappropriately. I didn't know any of that stuff, I was innocent, I didn't know any better. What no one knows & it took me to be about 19 yrs old, in a serious relationship & watching TV & learning about the crazy shit that goes on in this world was that I was molested as a young pre teen. No one ever knew, not even my mother, she found out when I was 25 yrs old. All she could say when I told her is "what? Why didn't you tell me?" Are you serious? I didn't know any better.




When we moved from Brazil, life for me changed a bit. Things just weren't right. I believe it was the end of 4th grade, I was doing math homework & she wasn't home, so my father was helping me, I don't remember exactly what happened, but I made a mistake on the homework or something & he lost his temper, grabbed my shoe, which had a small "fat" heel, & beat the crap out of me. I don't remember much more of that day, but I do know it was the beginning of a hell of a lot of beatings to come, I did spend about a week going to school in turtle necks in the middle of April/ May. From then on, everything happened to me, smacked in so many different places, hit, shoved, yanked by the hair & dragged down a flight of stairs, very soon my brother followed suit & no one ever said anything. Like it was ok. But the worse part of it all was she stood by the whole time, I think out of all the times, she may have tried to defend me half a dozen times. I remember I would run to my counselor in middle school & HRS ( what we used to call child protective services back then) would be called with visits at home. Things would get better just a tad, but then months later back to the same routine.




Times got worse once I got my first official boyfriend at 13. He became my 1st puppy love, we ended up dating on & off for a little more than 2 yrs. He was Dominican, he was dark skinned & that set my parents into a frenzy when they knew I was dating him. They forbid me to see him, but I found so many ways to see him, specially since he lived in the same complex in the Hammocks. I remember trying to talk to my mom one day, she was in mine & my brothers bathroom, cleaning when I walked in asking her why they had such an issue with me dating Carlos, & I was then told bc of his color. This boy was called so many names to my face, that it murdered me to hear them, I told her that day, didn't you guys teach me never to judge a book by its cover?! Now are you guys being a hypocrite?! Seems like their daughter wasn't allow to date a dark colored boy, but their rage against the opposite color was more than that, bc when I became best friends with one of my Best friends who's Puerto Rican, the shit talking continued. I won't call out who she is bc she's still in my life & I don't wanna put her out there. Though they were called terrible dark skinned names, their reason wasn't about their color it was that they would never amount to anything & would bring me down with them. That they didn't have good intentions with me. Then a few years later I brought Danny home, & Danny isn't a white boy, no way but he is Chilean, with very strong Indian decent, but he's no where close to dark compared to Carlos & the BFF, but he still was called his share of names, he was never good enough in their eyes, & yes Danny had his share of issues, but he was still a good kid. And at the end of the day, who was there supporting all of this... The woman we are suppose to call my mother. Never did she defend me, never did she look out for me, or be my friend.




I was always jealous of the friendships my friends had with their mothers. Many of them did take me under their wing & was like my 2nd mother. I looked up to many of my moms friends bc they treated me with such respect & love & I'm forever grateful for them. Especially one who ended her friendship with my mom due to the way she is. She didn't like the way my mother acted towards us, she said she lost respect for her, she explained to me that my mother was to be a mother first above all else, & just because we were grown didn't mean that she would now forget that & go off & enjoy life, forgetting about us. I never felt that close to Mother Dearest & don't know why, but I guess it also explains why I can't stand her either. It just never clicked, no matter how hard I tried, we became closer as I got older, but things never was the best.




I can say I grew up in the higher middle class, we had money for as long as I can remember. My dad was strict, an asshole, could treat me like shit, but at the end of the day he did have a big heart with his wallet. He knew how to spoil us rotten. Trips to Brazil every so often, A cruise to the Bahamas in the presidential suite of the Royal Caribbean, trips to Jacksonville, plenty of gifts during Christmas, & my 18th birthday party which I know wasn't cheap. But things got bad during my teen years, where Mother Dearest was to go back out to work in the real world, I know she wasn't happy & I always would hear her complain about it, throw it in my dads face. She was going back to work after 17 years of being a spoil rotten stay at home wife. During the last years of my dads life things were ok for my dad, he was working with his best friend as always with clients in Brazil. So he was making some commission, some months they were good checks & others they weren't. I think Mother Dearest was starting to get fed up, but her excuse was that he was drinking too much. Yes, dad was an alcoholic & had gotten an ulcer removed & a gallbladder, & I think that was the reason for his abuse so many of the times through out the years. But you can tell she wasn't living the life she lived years before, I think she waited for the perfect opportunity, she swears that til this day she was on my side, defending me, but I know it was her way of finally escaping. In October of 2003, I got into a fight with dad, I don't remember why, Mother Dearest got herself in the middle somehow & dad got mad abut something, but being drunk, he fell asleep. When he awoke he started with me again & got so mad that he kicked me out & told my Dear Mother to follow suit. She was like really? He said yes, boy I have never seen someone pack their bags so fast. I went packed my stuff & left with her. We went to one of her friends house, who I couldn't stand. At that time I was married to Danny, but not living with him due to some issues with his family, so that same weekend, him & I rented a hotel & started looking for a place, which we found the same day. Mother Dearest also started looking, & found an apt across the street of her job. She moved in, settled in & soon after was changing her phone #, bc my dad was calling her all the time, & she was trying to avoid him. What's funny, now that I think about it, she never in those 5 months attempted to start divorce fillings with him, like she was still leading him on, now that I think back.




During those months, dad did everything possible to get her back, but she wasn't having it, & he was drinking worse & worse everyday. I only heard her side bc I didn't speak to him til the day before my birthday, where he asked for forgiveness for all the stuff he's done through out the years, he finally sat with Danny & got to know him as a man & accepted him as my husband, I think that was one of the best birthday gifts I've ever gotten. Someone asked me how is it that I could care for him & miss him, & think so much of him after all he's done, & my answer is bc, at the end of the day, he realized he mistakes, he apologized, & those last 2 months were some amazing months while he was alive, we made up for lost time I guess, you can say. I would often go by to drop off his favorite foods since he wasn't eating well, drop off empanadas & get to know his first girlfriend as a teenager who he was talking to a lot since he was alone. As far as I know Mother Dearest would visit very seldom, not enough. She was very cold... He broke his leg at one point & she didn't go to help, so much so he had to go to Jacksonville to be with his best friend. Idk what her intentions were, until... That fatal day on March 22nd, 2004.




I am revealing this information & how i felt for the 1st time in 9 years, but sometimes I blame myself for what happened that fateful day. It was a Monday, I got a call from her saying my dad had complained about having a " heart attack", at this time we were a tad worried about him lying as he had just told us months before he had cancer, & we knew it was a lie, & his way of getting my moms attention. I called my brother & he told me he called the rescue & they transported him to Kendall Regional, so I said I'd go over there to see him & get info from the Drs before he fed us more lies. I was in shock to see how terrible he looked. I had just seen him that weekend, dropped off some empanadas on Saturday. He was yellow. From head to toe, just yellow. I sat with him & waited for the dr, he complained his chest hurt & felt heavy. I believe I had told the drs that he has been drinking, & I got a call from bellsouth for them to come install a phone line, so I told him I was leaving & I'd be back later, not thinking that would be the last time I spoke to him. That evening, my mom said that they had to detox him & he had a bad reaction to it, he went into some sort of a coma. Why did she NOT go see him that night?! Why?! No she went the next day when we were told he was in terrible condition, I remember walking in& he was in a coma but his eyes were open, it was an ugly site to see, when he heard my moms voice he went nuts, he moved his hands, but he couldn't move at all, just weird. I called his best friend & told him he was on a ventilator, my uncle went bazurk, saying he had a living well that stated he wasn't suppose to be on life support, the drs gave us a lame excuse why he was suppose to stay on it... To me, I guess she only went to prove to herself that he was really on that death bed.




After seeing him like that, I couldn't return to the hospital til he was off of those machines. April 8th, he was transferred to hospice, & everyone in his life in Miami went to see him to say their good byes. I was there all day, & met a lady who told me that he wouldn't make past the weekend. That weekend was the start of Good Friday & Easter, & I thought that if he had to go then this would be the best weekend. People may not understand this, but I did, I spoke to him, I told him to go home, go see his parents, go see our amazing German shepherd, that they would be waiting for him to take him to the light & cross over. No one ever saw that lady, no one knew who she was, & I think she was his angel who came to make sure he was ready to. The next day, at 3pm, Good Friday, April 9th, my father passed away.




EHis body hadn't even been cremated when talks about how my dads money would be ehandled from his best friend to my brother. It was clear to everyone that the commissions coming in every so often was his, my uncle thought my brother was still under age, & to immature to handle the amount of $ that was coming in & thought my mom should be the one to handle my brothers money, O lord was that the biggest mistake, a mistake that until this day I can't believe was done & something I would never forgive my mother for.




Within 2 weeks, she was having a garage sale & getting rid of everything. Minus personal things, like pictures, videos, etc... She cleared out the house in 2 seconds. I don't remember where the money from the garage sale went to, but I'm sure right into her pocket. My brother needed to move out & had plenty of struggles during the 1st year of my dads death, he didn't have $ to save himself. He even eventually lost most of his belongings in the storage unit, which forever pissed me off bc I lost ALL of OUR childhood videos. I have nothing to go back to. I remember we were in the car that she bought, right after my dad died, & gave my brother the family car, we were driving into Kendall, I remember this like if it happened this afternoon, we were talking about the money & she said, "This is the least your dad could of done for me for all the shit he put me through, throughout the years!" I told her that that money was NOT hers, but Chris'. She said no, that the $ was hers. I was like wow... I didn't realize how much money was given to her that year til taxes rolled around & I saw the 1099, in 9 months she received $26,000. That is someone's salary. I never thought much about it til months later when I needed to borrow money bc I was moving, went to my uncle for some money & he told me to go talk to my mom she had just received $6,000 from him. When I called her about it, she swore she never got anything, I went back to my uncle & when I confronted her, she said the $ was gone, she gave some to my brother, she had to save some for the taxes & had to pay last years taxes & some bills. I called Chris & asked him when was the last time he got money from her & he stated months ago. That he's been needing money & that there wasn't commission coming in. When I told him the truth, & told him he needed to have our uncle change the checks to go directly to him, he believed me & did just that, but not until my uncle confirmed with me that he was old enough & responsible enough to handle the amount of $ coming in. Once everything was set, & he confronted my mom, he came back to me telling me I was crazy, & I had it all wrong. His girlfriend at the time believed me, she knew she had a feeling something was up, she saw how much my brother was suffering economically.




Since then I never, ever ever trusted her again, how could you trust a mother who was stealing money from you, who was enjoying the $, while knowing you we're struggling & not caring.




Over these years, I have ended my relationship with her countless times, some how we mend things again only to end it again later, always being my "fault" somehow. My brother & I haven't spoken in over 3 years, & does she do anything to get us to talk? Nope. She doesn't get involved. There are no Thanksgiving dinners or Christmas festivities. She doesn't do anything unless its to help herself.




I've called this woman a hell of a lot of names, but only bc she deserves it. Most of you must have your mouth dropped to the floor, you can't understand how could I, but I have & you will never understand til you see it for yourself.




When you recently find out that she "kidnapped" her kids to go to brazil, & get away from him when we were young children, makes ya think. You hear from family members how everyone thinks of her as a gold digger, never happy with what she had. A woman who has constantly told you she didn't want to be a grandmother, & has said not to count on her when babysitting her own grandchildren. How much respect can you have for a woman like this?!




Yes I put her out there like this, so she should realize how mad I am at her, how this bullshit that she did to me this last time is unthinkable & unable to forgive. I asked her to give me some time from being mad about Never being invited to Thanksgiving & instead not only does she delete me, but blocks me completely from Facebook. Like seriously? Is that how to go about it. She didn't get what SHE wanted so she tries to get my attn by doing this, o yeah she got my attn & I told her I'm done with her, once & for all.




This is my way of closing this chapter in my life. Today is my 32nd birthday & I'm ready to close this last chapter & not look back, I'm done with the drama from this family.




If she is reading this, good, my job is done, that's what I wanted & this letter will tell you how I feel about you once & for all. I can't stand you, & you are finished in my life, you did this. I am the black sheep of the family but bc of all the shit I've gone through in life. I am a good person, a person who only wants to please people, & usually never asks for anything in return, but I'm tired of being that person & getting taken advantage of, I have changed a lot over the past couple years, & I'm about to change yet again. You did this to me.




“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”




― Marilyn Monroe




"There is a difference between giving up & knowing when you've had enough."




Dear past, thank you for all the lessons, dear future, I'm now ready!




"Don't let the noise of other people's opinion drown out your inner voice."

RIP My Dear Rudy

On December 15th, a Saturday, Danny & I were on our way to the bank. We were on the bus & it was suppose to drop us off on the other street, instead we got off the block before & walked across the street & onto the median, where new trees were planted & there were holes where they were planted & as we walked I saw this little black thing inside one of the holes. He was scared, but after a little while, I picked him up & he cuddled up by my neck. I didnt waste any time taking him to the vet to get him checked out, gave him his 1st set of shots & we went to the pet store to prepare for a new addition to the family. 

As we got home we were thinking how long it would take for the puppies to get used to him or vs versa? We knew the puppies would just take getting used to but a kitten to get used to 7 little dogs? Who knew, it took less than 3 days before he wasnt hissing anymore. He was adjusting & getting used to the house & everything going on. We were all happy & enjoying his company. His funny ways & how he drove ElleJai wild chasing him around the house. 

He was beginning to be very attached to us. Never wanting to be in the bathroom for very long alone, specially at night, so we started to allow him to sleep with us & he had his nights but he was a good kitty. All he wanted was to be with us or the dogs, I loved watching the love btwn them. 

A couple days ago, I noticed he sneezed, but only one session of 3 sneezes. I told Danny we had to keep an eye out on that, but he was fine. This morning he woke up fine.. even playing around, but I did notice the change in his breathing, & to me his tummy was a little extended. Danny thought it was a hairball, but I felt like it was something more. We finally got a taxi & headed to the vet. I did notice that when we grabbed him he would give us a meow, thinking could he have some sort of damage inside. As we got to our vet, they asked us to go to another clinic that had an Xray machine. So we decided to go to Animal Welfare. We got there & of course the 1st things the vet said was that a cat breathing the way he was breathing didnt look too good, he right off the bat said he may have some sort of genetic issue, something he was born with. The X-ray was done & he was given back to us but he was "stressed", pist. I knew they did something to him that he wasnt happy about. The vet took forever to come out & talk to us. When he finally came he told us that he had the beginning stages of phenomena & had an enlarged heart. But Rudy was so upset that is when he started meowing non stop... of course the vet said he was highly stressed & he needed to go home & calm down. 

Our walk home was terrible, he was giving the worse meows & we finally got home & took him out, the 1st thing he did was come out of the bag & throw himself on the floor & just continue to meow. I hoped he would calm down, but he didnt. He then started to have a bowel movement which he couldnt control nor even finish. Little by little his eyes started dilating. His meows were getting worse & my heart hurt so bad. I was so mad at the vet, when just 30-45 minutes earlier I asked if we should put him down, he said no. But then again he said the cat was in very poor condition, & he didnt think the cat would make it passed the weekend. I was like can you be serious? I dont want to have a cat die in my presence. The poor thing was suffering here at home. We finally took him to the ER & we let him go to Heaven. 

He was such a joy to us in the little time we had him. We think this was something his previous owner knew about & thats why he was left in the middle of the road. Why would they not take him to animal serivces. Or something, no just leave him all alone in the middle of the street where we found him & gave him another 3 weeks of an amazing life. He gave me peace, made me feel better about Coco's passing. No he would NEVER replace Coco, but he made me feel better, life was fun & funny with him around. 

This was the last pic we took of him, playing with our feet during bedtime. He just was a pure joy of happiness. It was only 3 weeks with him but a true animal lover falls in love within hours & thats how I felt about him. At least I know hes now in heaven with Coco & my whole amazing gang in that amazing other dimension. Before he left, I told him I was jealous that he was gonna get to go to Rainbow Bridge at such an early age & so soon, but I told him to enjoy that beautiful world. 

Rudy, thank you for the joy you brought me & these lil rugrats. At barely 8 weeks, you purred your way to my heart so quickly & left a pawprint there. You will forever be remembered. God Bless. I Miss You.

Happy Birthday, Yalee Eve

On December 27th, 2007, 3 beautiful baby Yorkies were born during the 7 PM hour, 2 boys & a little girl. My little girl, named Yalee (pronounced "Ya-Lee") Eve was the last to be born. She is the amazing daughter of our little boy, Scoobie & Lulu. She was 4 yrs in the making & I thought she would probably never come, we couldnt find the right girlfriend for Scoobie & we were just about to give up, til Lulu came in the picture. She was conceived on Halloween night & we thought she would be born on New Yrs eve & therefore her name was originally going to be Eve ::middle name unknown::, but then 2 days after Christmas, exactly 3 weeks prior to my birthday she was born. 

At 19 days she came home to be bottle fed by myself since her mother stopped producing breast milk, I knew that would be the best time to create that special bond btwn her & I. She was raised as a spoiled baby girl. Our bond grew throughout the months & she became my "cuddle bug"... about 5 times a week we have our morning ritual, my cuddle bug comes to cuddle in bed for 5 minutes before I have to get up. I dedicate those 5 minutes every morning to her, our bonding time. 

Over the years, her love & our bond together has grown in a way that many people wouldnt & couldnt understand. I always knew she would be bred to have puppies, but when that time came, I thought our bond would change, she would be different with me because of what I allowed her to go through, but during her pregnancy & after her babies were born, nothing changed, in fact her love for me grew & our attachment is even closer. She is a God sent angel. This beautiful furry child is amazing. She was & still is an amazing mom. I cant believe the things she has done for these kids of hers. After nearly 2 yrs, she is still a very active & over protective mommy & everyday I fall in love with her all over again.

Today I celebrate her & the life shes had & given me in the past 5 yrs. There are no words to the love I have for her. I look at her & cant believe that 5 yrs has past already... time is flying & im trying to enjoy her & all she has to offer. Anyone who hasnt met her, just dont know the love she has to offer. 

Her love & happiness is contagious. Even a non-dog lover will fall in love with her, thats how special she is.

So friends... send a little prayer of well wishes for her. She's my baby & deserves it. 

Happy Birthday my Yalee Eve, Grandma loves you to the moon & back. You dont know how special you are to me. Happy Birthday Momma Bear!

One Tree Hill Series Finale!

"Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is going to come from. The next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it’s right around the corner, and you open up your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it, you just might get the thing you’re wishing for. The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now believe in it, with all of your heart."




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Happy Birthday Leli!!!

Today I celebrate my little sister's/ Best friends, Elezia's 30th Birthday. Though her & I aren't in speaking terms & haven't been in 6 yrs, she will ALWAYS know how much I Love & miss her, she's always in my heart & no matter how long it takes, I will still be here waiting for her.

My worse days are those when I wake up after dreaming with her & knowing I cant pick up the phone & call her, but I try to listen to P!nk's "Who Knew" & feel a little better.



We became friends in the 4th grade, November of 1991. She was the only one who was my friend while others claimed I had the "cooties". During 4th & 5th grade, our friendship grew & by the time we were in 6th grade... we were at each other's houses almost every weekend or on the phone non stop, so much so that our parents got us our own phone line.

During our middle school years we were separated & she was sent to private school, but our friendship kept on growing, & all we did was have sleep overs, or talk on the phone, everything BFF's did. I spent my teen years with HER, we were inseparable. She was the rebel, but I was her accomplice, we stuck by each other. We grew up & no matter what we remained friends. During high school we got into a nasty fight that kept us apart for close to a year, & when we became friends I dont know why but I hid it from my parents, right before my 18th Birthday, then we were right back where we were before, best friends again.

She was in my life for all my teen years, & throughout all my school years, it was our Sr year & Sr pictures came rolling around & it only felt right that she was in my Sr pictures...

We had a ball this day, & my life felt complete as a teen. I swore nothing could go wrong, but it did. About a yr or so later we got into another fight & it ended for about 2.5 yrs, during this time she moved from Miami to Melbourne, FL, I was engaged & was dying to get back in touch with her & make sure I didnt get married without her there. We were back together in no time & she was right there planning my wedding with me. She wasnt my maid of honor, & though she knew why, she understood & stood by me.

The best years were the years when I got married, she would come down from Melbourne & spend the weekend at our house & we would enjoy each others company. Then it was her turn, she finally found her man, in Melbourne, the one I suppose she was going to spend the rest of her life with... & so be it, she got engaged in August of 2005, & one of my last encounters with her was Labor day weekend:

Were these pictures of 2 friends that were growing apart? Well this was the excuse I got a few years after our friendship ended 6 yrs ago. We were getting ready for her wedding & we were the best friends we could possibly be. Then one day, it just went all down the drain. This time her soon to be husband was involved & this time I knew this fight would be different, I knew the ending of this friendship wasnt going to be the same as before... a lot of things were said & things that could possibly never be forgiven for saying.

I was angry that someone that we barely knew was allowed to come into our friendship & make decisions about OUR friendship & about her life. We had promised that we would NEVER allow a guy to come into our friendship but he was too strong & she broke that promise... & it all ended.

I have tried to live life over the years, & at times its fine & easy but then there are days that are hard to get by... the worse feeling was finding out she was pregnant & that I wasnt going to be there. Babies was something we didnt really talk about, I guess we were too into living our lives than worrying about having kids... Her son was born the day after my birthday, but she was due the DAY of my birthday. I have said that there is a reason for that, like it was a sign of some sort... but one day she'll figure it out.

But at this time I want to wish her an amazing birthday & bring back some crazy memories. My eyes have watered a million times while trying to write this blog post, bc I cant believe we have gone through so much. A person that has meant so much to me & shes so out of reach... Elezia, one day we'll find our way back & when that day comes all I will care about is that we are friends again, then maybe down the future I will ask why it took so long. Until then, take care of yourself & your baby boy. I love you & I will remind you each & every year how much I do, a piece of my heart is missing & Im not the same person w/o you in my life. You used to make everything better & now its hard to see things clearly... Since you've been gone I dont smile as much as I used to, & I hurt like you cant believe. I want my best friend back, but I cant have her, I dont understand why, we are suppose to be able to pick up where we left off & go on with life, Ive been told I am angry at the world, & I am... because the ONE person who can make me smile & enjoy life, hates me.

You are missed every single day! Happy Birthday! I Love you always lil sis.

Who Knew!?

One of my favorite songs, P!nk knew how to say it best for me when I lost a dear friendship just about 6 yrs ago... One of my favorite parts is:

"If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew"

Because all I used to do is dream about her & I used to wake up tortured bc I couldnt do anything about it, & all I wanted to do is pick up the phone & call her, bc the dreams were so pleasant. Next week is her birthday & I guess my mind is running as always & I dreamt with her yet again last night. This is my medicine to help me attempt to get over what Im feeling even though I keep thinking to myself, "It's been 6 yrs since I lost her friendship". So enjoy it my readers.

The Legend of Rainbow Bridge

I am currently reading the book "All Pets go to Heaven" by Sylvia Browne, my mentor/ role model & someone I have followed for many years & trust.

As some of you know I have tons of pets & have had a ton more that have passed away & love to know how it is for them on the "Other Side" so that is why I am reading this book... it reminds me that my 1st pet & best friend Tommy is on the other side & watching over me everyday... Slyvia posts this poem which made me cry from the first sentence... enjoy.

"The Legend of Rainbow Bridge" - William N. Britton


Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to the Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food and water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who have been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except one thing- they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one stops and suddenly looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent, his eager body begins to quiver. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face. Your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then together, you and your special pet cross THE RAINBOW BRIDGE.

Enjoy!!!!