Today I celebrate the 58 yrs of life that my father lived in this world. 8 yrs ago today was Good Friday & The dear Lord took him to be with him. In a way I was happy bc he wasn't suffering anymore, but at the same time, him & I had just mended our relationship after many years & wanted to spend more time with him.
He was an amazing father, though he had some many flaws & we had a terrible relationship as I grew up as a teenager. I was never good enough, nor my decisions in friendship or boyfriends were always the center of many of our fights. The funny thing, those friendships & boyfriends were the ones that lasted. He was strict, boy was he, & he didn't hesitate to beat one of us if needed. It was what made the relationship so bad, but his strictness kept me away from drugs & drinking & any sexual misconduct at a young age. So when I look back now after being married for 9 yrs, I am happy for those choices that he had an impact on.
At the end of his life he was severely depressed & I tried everything to make him feel better but I guess nothing worked. I remember that fateful day on March 22, 2004 when my mom called saying he was having another "heart attack"... No matter what my heart told me to go see him, he was making up a lot of lies & we wanted to make sure they didn't continue. I remember getting to the hospital & he was yellow. I stuck around for a while & had to leave & sometimes I blame myself for that, bc if they knew what he was up to sometimes he wouldn't have ended up where he was.
He was left on some type of life support even though when we went to visit he made this scene when he heard my moms voice. My uncle, his best friend threw a tantrum to know that he was on life support as that wasn't his wishes. The Dr swore he was gonna make it & therefore there was a difference. Yeah right. It only took them 2 weeks to tell us that they did all they could to get him to breathe on his own.
So he was taken off of it & transferred to hospice. He was there for 3 days before he died. I remember on Thursday morning, everyone went to see him, then most went to lunch but I stuck around, & this large black woman walked in & talked to me, I don't remember about what but I remember her saying "Honey, make sure you say his goodbyes, he won't make it to the weekend." I remember telling her this would be the perfect weekend for him to go & would hope he goes on Sunday, she said she didn't think hell make it that far. No one else ever saw her, & she was never heard of again... My feelings tell me she was my angel & preparing me for his passing. Bc I always knew that one of my angels was a large black woman which I used to see in my dreams but never saw her face.
The next day at 3:00pm he was pronounced dead. Friday, Good Friday, around the time Jesus died. It was weird bc I had a feeling it was gonna happen & it did. It was a long week preparing for the 7 day service.
But it was great & so many people came out & the outpouring love & support we got from friends & family were amazing, my father did touch the hearts of many people, & for that I am truly proud for being his daughter even after all the things we went through. Every time I am dealing with a legal situation I stop & think & wish my dad was alive so I can ask him for advice, talk to him, run to him for help or whatever.
I miss his smile. His laughter. His little annoying nervous tick when he was mad. His passion for animals (which I followed in his footsteps). His smell. I just miss him period.
I know he's having the time of his life in heaven, he has his 5 favorite people with him, his dad, his best friend, Uncle Russ, & his 3 favorite dogs, BigShot, Tommy & Annie.
I know he watches over me bc sometimes I don't have the strength to go on with this crazy thing called life, & I know he's the one who keeps me going when I wanna give up, that was him to never give up, try harder & I know he wouldn't let me give up, specially not that easy.
Dad, I love you. I miss you & hope you are having fun. Don't forget to come visit me in my dreams, i haven't seen you in a while. I know your resting in peace so no need to say RIP, your having a ball everyday up there. I'm jealous. Enjoy & see you later.
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